Not Your Everyday Cheese Just a small town girl in a great big world.

My dearest Lilly,

It’s been nearly a year since you passed away…

a day that I can’t quite believe for it seems like yesterday.

Your laughter still rings in my ears, your grin a ray of sunshine.

A well of love and joy… you always had plenty to spread around.

Oh darling girl,  Nene misses you so…

There was so much I wanted to teach you, so much I had to show.

Every day I think of you and see your smiling face,

I imagine you up in heaven showering us with your grace.

For in the arms of Jesus, I know you are safe n sound

but know that you are missed on Earth where your memory does abound.

Someday soon, I’ll see you in Heavens golden light

Til then my darling Lilly in my heart I’ll hold you tight.

With all my love…. Nene

Today is one of my favorite aunts birthday.  I wished her a happy birthday on our favorite social media website and she said to me… “Hope you know you’re special to me and to God. Luvya. ”  A silent rage built in me, so hot and fierce that I could just barely contain it.  Special to her?? Yet she stood by silent while I was hurt and ridiculed by family… called a liar to my face.  When all the while… she knew what I said was true.  She knew it and said NOTHING!   Not a single word in my defense… not a single word of love or comfort.

When I first found out that she knew all along that I had been telling the truth, that in fact she had an opportunity years before that to stop the monster that hurt me  but didn’t…. I was filled with so much sadness and pain.  But I had dealt with the damage done to me… and through years of therapy, I had come to a place where I could forgive the man who had done so much to me that I thought I would never be normal.  Hell,  I didn’t know what normal even was.  (Secretly, I’m still not 100% sure but I have a good idea.)

I can forgive my Aunt. I can somewhat understand why she made the decisions she did, even though it caused me so much pain.  I can forgive and I have.  If somehow she manages to read this someday, I want her to know that I have forgiven her and everyone else involved.   Her silence helped me to become who I am today and I’m proud of that.  I’m proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished with no ones help but God’s grace and will.

I just pray that her silence didn’t cause another child of God to become a victim.